blue, no. 3

Blue, no. 3

(Haines, AK Aug '13)

Do you ever feel like you're in the middle of a terrible storm?
The waves are crashing and crashing on your head, there is no space to catch breath and it becomes difficult to tell what is up and what is down.

I have been feeling that way recently- that I am in my own storm and also watching people that I love battle it out in their own private storms too. I was talking to a friend about this, about a seemingly impossible and heartbreaking situation in their life. I found myself saying, 'I will be praying for you and reminding God to get his act together.'

I said it in a joking way (hilarious- bossing God around) and it cracked us up. But there was truth in it. Like, God- do you see me? Why the delay?

It reminds me of the story in the Bible where the people following Jesus, his disciples, all get in a boat with Jesus to take it across the water. Part way across the water, a storm kicks up.
Things are so bad they fear the boat is going to sink. In the midst of this chaos and panic, the disciples find Jesus sleeping.

This is how I feel sometimes- about my storms and those I see my friends fighting: that I am fighting for my life and somehow God is asleep.
I wish it were that simple because then I could just yell 'WAKE UP' in the loudest voice I possibly could and God would wake up. What would happen then?

I imagine it would be like what happened when Jesus woke up. Luke 4:39 says "He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm."
Oh, how my heart longs for this, a calm sea. How I wish I could wake God up on behalf of other people.

But then I remember that Jesus did not stay here on earth as a man. He died, rose from the dead and ascended into heaven. He is no longer limited like us. He no longer falls asleep.

Jesus Christ, now ascended, does not sleep through the storms of my life.

So, I do not know why Jesus is not calming the storm. But I know he is not sleeping.
Somehow that knowledge is incredibly comforting.
To know that he see's it all, every struggle, every pounding wave. Not only does he see it, he is with me. He is in my boat with me. And he is not asleep.

Jesus Christ, now ascended, does not sleep through the storms of my life.

This side of heaven, I do not think there are any easy answers about why we go through the storms we do.
As time passes, I can look back at some difficult times in my life and I can see God's grace and patience bringing me through. Other difficult times remain a painful mystery.

This side of heaven, I do not think there are any easy answers.
But I will keep rowing my boat, bailing out the water, believing and trusting that I will make it through the storms. And know that God is not missing it, He is with me.

Jesus Christ, now ascended, does not sleep through the storms of my life.